I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
