there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
