GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
