i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
