No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
