I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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