all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
