oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
A+ Viking dick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
