They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
