They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
