I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
