I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
