i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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