apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
