we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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