Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
