my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
