that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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