Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
