Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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