Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
