i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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