You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
