Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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