I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
