I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I came so hard my ears popped.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
