Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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