I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
