Sry I called you an 8
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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