The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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