I need to stop coming to work sober
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
