They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
