Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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