youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
