He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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