Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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