I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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