I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
