from now on my penis is your penis
He is an equal opportunity slut.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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