Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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