Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
