don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
