So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
