life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
