I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
