I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
