You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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