mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
