I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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