We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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