there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
