Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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